I

found someone to give the edt to. Though that's really only because I don't think it will be suitable for anyone anymore.

I'm really sad these days.  

25 random thoughts

was supposed to be a tag game over at facebook writing 25 personal random thoughts, but I'm not sure if I want to put the entire list there(心理不平衡). And I do treasure people who bother to drop by my blog every now and then a lot more than those who can but don't, lol.


1) I sorta have a desire to return back to taekwondo, though I think I won't ever.
2) It has been at least 4 full moons gone by since the time I started waiting for a certain person to appear before me.
3) Flowers bloom, but once it does so, that also means its end is drawing near.
4) I have very serious dark eye circles and no amount of sleep and miracle eye creams can help me anymore.
5) Looking to the night sky and feeling the night breeze almost always eases my anxious heart.
6) Cream is cream, and oil is oil. That's perhaps why ice-cream is called ice-cream, and not ice-oil, perhaps.
7) Only someone who has the true humility, kindness and strength of character can touch my heart out of nothing.
8) I may look angry always, but I was seldom angry. Only sad or tired.
9) There is a high possibility that my dog is right-handed.
10) My personal prayers to God has always been in a bizarre mix of English, Mandarin and Japanese, and I'm just glad He didn't mind.
11) My mom told me my younger niece never pops a smile, and I think she's just being cool like Yazoo.
12) I just finished my one-week-once jogging session, and was thinking of a chance to drag someone along because he seems like he needs it.
13) Calcium supplements are best taken in capsule form, but whether that's really the truth is another thing.
14)  いとしいひとがいます。とても強くて優しくて素晴らしいなひとと思います。
15) Is tomato a veggie or fruit or neither or both?
16) I like dancing, though I may not look like it.
17) I know of a girl who's really mature for her age.
18) My sister named his son Alwin to avoid bird-eyed ppl from making mistakes.
19) "Dear Princess, I will save you. You are my piece. So please stay by my side. From now on... Inside my arms. You will trust me. So please stay in my eyes"
20)  You cannot spot-reduce.
21) Sometimes I read the novels I wrote and laughed at myself for playing too much video games.
22) Which reminds me, that I'm still waiting for all of my favorite series to come up with new games to give me a huge spur or push -or whatever you call it- to go grab a long-dreamt-for PS3 .
23) I'm craving for salmon sashimi.
24)I'm definitely cutting my hair soon.
25)I spent most of my CNY days thinking of and missing someone and now I really regret it.

---------------
 




And who said I was lying when I said that my hair was nearing classic length one and a half years ago?


Just for fun, though it doesn't look very fun I guess.

Troubled

...How long must I remain so stupid? 

So tired.

Very tired.

Want to sleep.

Tired.

I know. 

What can be done?


=( =( =(


I want to cry.





Why say the things you said? Now I'm so troubled, so troubled.

Had

a nightmare last night... it froze my heart I woke and found my body cold. No matter how hard I tried, I can't warm myself up I thought I was dying. What sorrow I felt from that dream, a sadness that weakened my physically shivering heart. What sadness I cried. What sadness. May I never ever experience such sorrow in reality. Never ever, I beg, I beg.


You know, the reason why I have more time than many is because God only gave me a little to manage. The "free" time I have from Him, I really want to use it more for myself and doing my own stuff instead of wasting it on searching for missing items or unecessary trouble etc. When God gave anyone a lot to handle in their lives such as a family, successful career, it's definitely no excuse or even reason to expect or have others help you out, in those or other personal matters. You can ask Him for people who can offer a lil help and advice here and there and it's really fine, but if you are not going to take full responsibility for what God has graciously blessed you with, I really think it's such a waste.

Just like how I wasted what God has given me and opted for a ridiculous path when I first graduated. Though God lifted me up when I made a mess of my life and landed down in the dumps, the truth remains that the damage has already been done. How much more when it comes to people.


Lately, I find my heart getting colder and colder towards everyone. Disappointed and disheartened with almost everyone around me. I realized that I can never love as He loves, because people's indifference really hurts a lot. I don't know how God managed to bear with all those piled up sadness from being rejected and hated by men over and over again and seeing their ugly side and still loving them so deeply, but I can never do it, that you try so hard to love and care for people, to help them and be more understanding, but they just treat you like crap and fool you around.


心灰意冷。



--If I can tell you something now, I just want to say thank you. For you are the only human who bothers about me, though I know very well I'm totally not worthy of you, and that's why you never came...right?--

Just

went through Versailles newest album -their first album ever since they went major IIRC-. Not too bad. Liked a couple of songs. Maybe more time spent on listening will make me sing along. But so far, I just have to say I like Kamijo's vocals, as always. Sorta makes me wonder why some singers can't sing properly. But ya know, I think that's really only because I know too little and expect or compare too much. Still, even my sis said his voice is great, so maybe I'm half right after all: some singers really can't sing properly.

It's time I open up my date function on the blog. In other words, after years of keeping it hidden(or rather, removing the code from the blog source), I finally think it's okay to let all the dates of all of my blog entries be shown. I don't really remember why I made it a point to not let anyone know when I wrote each entry, but since I feel it's okay now, then well here we go. Though I really can't guarantee I won't revert back in the future. I really hope not though.

It's February and I just want to really say it here that I thank God for His providence in so many things over the past month it's really impossible to come up with an entire list because they are just overwhelming, yes, countless. And I believe that should I make it through this month and onto the next in His mercy, it will be the same feeling of thankfulness as I reflect back. Because hoping in the wonderful Him is the confident expectation of good from an eternally faithful God.

Feel

so frustrating. For such a person who is so not worth it. At first it was interesting to say the least, but now it becomes such a drag to see him do certain things. 

私の愛しいひと、私のためではないならば、私の前に現われないでくれ。

Some

updates on most stuff:

-Christmas is coming, but having to wear a horrible looking sc hat daily definitely ain't setting the correct festive mood in me.

-Nobody really gave me any xmas present except a very few, but just as what I told my mother much earlier, I have already received the best and most precious Christmas gift of all, and that is Christ Himself.

-A person's speech really does show what kind of a person he/she is.

-My teacher flew off to the US, so now bible study's gonna be through skype.

-I haven't touched my video game console for ages, and I've still got a stack of games waiting for me to start playing them. And since I haven't been in touch with any, I'm pretty sure my Japanese language ability dropped by a couple of folds.

-I've recalled most music theory for my keyboard playing, but I really have got to dump in hundreds of hours of practice before I can regain my "former skills", not as though I was great at it then anyway <.<

-My two older sisters are gonna give birth very soon. Gonna be two more children's auntie. Good, but it really also implied I'm getting old *pulls hair*

かみさま、わたしのゆうしゃさまはどこにいますか？